


A Speck of Doubt, A Grain of Hope

by LdyBastet



Category: Loveless
Genre: Kissing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-08
Updated: 2011-04-08
Packaged: 2017-10-17 18:28:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/179901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LdyBastet/pseuds/LdyBastet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the wake of seeing a "ghost", loyalty and ownership are questioned. Betrayal is a hard pill to swallow for Soubi, and he feels lost.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Speck of Doubt, A Grain of Hope

**Author's Note:**

> The boys belong to Kouga Yun. I'm just borrowing them, having them do things the original creator probably never thought of.
> 
> Spoilers through manga vol 9 chapter 4. Written for the Ides of March challenge on InsaneJournal. My prompt was _First kiss_.

Ritsuka had never seen Soubi like this before.

Finding out that Seimei was alive had filled Ritsuka with hope; hope for a future, hope for a family, and for things getting back to the way they were. But it seemed as if it only filled Soubi with despair. There was no hope in Soubi's eyes when he finally met Ritsuka's gaze, only pain and confusion.

At first it made Ritsuka angry. Soubi was not supposed to be like this! He was supposed to be strong, to take care of things, to know things, to take care of Ritsuka even when he didn't think he needed taking care of. Soubi was supposed to be an adult...

"Go to bed!" Ritsuka had ordered, and now Soubi was lying next to him in the bed, tense.

"Sleep!" Ritsuka ordered, but it didn't help. "Soubi..." He didn't know what to do.

"I'm sorry," Soubi replied and then they were silent.

 

~*~

 

Soubi felt as if his head was going to explode. "No," was all he could say while tumultuous thoughts and feelings attacked him.

"No," because this was wrong. This was not how it was supposed to be. Seimei was supposed to be dead and the ownership of Soubi transferred to Ritsuka.

"No," because now Soubi didn't know to whom he belonged. Seimei gave him orders, expecting them to be obeyed, but Soubi didn't want to. He only wanted to obey Ritsuka now, even though Seimei had the right.

"No," because he'd been betrayed, used, and Seimei kept betraying him. He told Soubi he was Seimei's still, and then that he didn't want him. The betrayal was doubly cruel because Seimei had hurt Ritsuka so much. Soubi knew how much Ritsuka had agonised over the loss of his brother... and then it turned out to not be true, all their grief for nothing.

"No," because Seimei had tried to take Ritsuka from Soubi, separating them, trying to persuade Ritsuka to abandon him... like everyone else had. Ritsuka had been as shocked to see Seimei alive as Soubi had, but he seemed to accept it more easily.

"No," because Soubi couldn't accept this.

He longed to be able to say yes again.

 

~*~

 

"Ritsuka?" Soubi whispered into the darkness and Ritsuka turned towards him.

"What is it?"

"I only want to be yours."

Ritsuka sighed. He could hear the confusion and despair in Soubi's voice. It wasn't as if Seimei's return was easy for either of them. "Then you belong to me," he stated. "He told you to go to me, didn't he? That was his last order for you. After that, you're mine, right?"

"Is it that simple, Ritsuka?"

"Yeah." Ritsuka moved a little closer, trying to comfort Soubi. "Don't make things more complicated. Alive or dead, he gave you away. One can't just take back a gift."

"But my loyalty should--"

"Soubi!" Ritsuka knew Soubi couldn't see him frown but he glared at him through the darkness anyway. "Loyalty and honour aren't ruled by words. You can't be ordered or told to feel them! You feel them with your heart, not your brain!"

"Are you trying to tell me to question my heart and follow what it says?"

"I don't know... Yes. You can't just let him dictate your life!" Ritsuka was tired of all the people who tried telling him how to feel, how to react, what to think... and he was tired of Soubi wanting exactly that: to be told.

"I love you, Ritsuka," Soubi said, sounding calmer.

Ritsuka stroked Soubi's cheek. He didn't want to lose his friend, but he didn't, couldn't, lose his brother either. Follow your heart... Soubi was here, Soubi was now...

Ritsuka hesitantly pressed his lips to Soubi's in a soft kiss, the first he's ever initiated. "Then you are mine," he whispered and put his arm around Soubi's waist, kissing him again. "My Soubi."


End file.
